A couple weeks ago we found out that Ryan would need to take a job in Florida for 7-9 Months. It was presented as a decision we got to make but really we feel like we have no choice right now. The market in Kansas City is down and there are no jobs for Ryan to go to as a Superintendent. But there is one in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. A hospital on the base there. After considering the options we really felt this would be the best thing for him right now. Because who knows if down the road they would be forcing him to take a position in a worse place or for longer than 7 months. The incentives are that he gets a company truck and a decent per diem allowance to cover all his expenses.
Our plan right now is for Ryan to go to Florida by himself until Lily finishes school then we would join him for the Summer for 2 months and hopefully the project will be done by then. We also plan to spend Lily's Spring Break there. We hope to drive with the help of my parents so that Ryan doesn't have to fly home to drive us down then drive us back and fly back. I really don't feel like flying with 2 Kids and an Infant by myself either. Ryan is supposed to be able to fly home every 2 weekends as well with a weekend including Fridays and flying home Sunday afternoon/evenings. Hopefully that will work out because 2 weeks without seeing him is going to be hard enough. Looking at the calendar we've figured he can be home for all the important dates like Valentines, Our Anniversary, Lily's Birthday, and Charlee's Birthday. Then we'd spend my birthday with him during Spring Break.
This presents a challenge for me to trust God in giving me the patience I need to survive without Ryan. I've always said I am not one of those mom's who can do it all without the help of her husband. Not one of those mom's who could handle her husband being away for long periods at a time. I guess now I will get to test that fear and will need to rely on God and family and friends to help me through what I believe will be my hardest season of life yet. I spend my days looking forward to when Ryan gets home from work and I get to have a little break and help around the house. Now I am going to have to wait 2 weeks for that. I am going to be without my best friend each night to watch TV with. What am I going to do after I put the girls to bed? Normally we get a snack and settle in and watch our recorded shows. Something we both look forward to doing. I will miss that. But that may turn into my time to get stuff done around the house that won't get done otherwise during the day. Probably best to keep myself busy so I don't sit and dwell on how alone I am going to feel.
This week since we got confirmation that he will be leaving January 6th - I am realizing all the wonderful things he does to help me around the house and in taking care of my girls. I think bedtime is going to be the hardest for me. He's so good at getting them to get ready for bed and reading a story to them while I feed Rylee and get her ready for bed. Its going to make our night time routine take longer for sure. I just pray for patience during these times that I don't lose my temper with them as I know I can so easily.
I am just amazed at the timing of all of this. After spending 6 months at Ryan's parents, pregnant, waiting for our house to be built - this after a 2 year process of getting our old house sold, and finally moving in and having less than 3 weeks to get settled before Rylee's birth. Spending a week total in the hospital for high blood pressure and recovery. We finally start to feel settled about 2 weeks ago when we got to pull Ryan's truck in the garage. Life was finally feeling like we would start to just live our lives and just be a normal family.....then we get this news. Really?? Now??? Why God? I just don't get it. But I don't think I am supposed to right now. I know this will be a good thing for Ryan and his career. This could potentially be a very good thing for us financially when its all done. I am trusting God that his perfect plan and timing is all over this one. I pray it goes FAST! Especially these next 2 months of winter. I pray that snow isn't bad as I will have to figure a way to get my driveway shoveled if it snows a lot. Lots of things are coming to mind that Ryan did for me that I won't have done once he's gone. Little things like replacing my windshield wiper blades, putting air in my tires, mowing the grass, shoveling the driveway, lifting heavy boxes, putting the trash out, checking the house out when I hear a funny noise, getting up when we hear one of the girls get out of bed at night, and mostly just being my companion and TV buddy at night. I realized the other night even though we were laying there without talking just watching TV that I would miss him so much during our TV shows. Just him being beside me is comforting. I hope I am not making anyone uncomfortable but I am just sharing my heart that its going to feel very lonely for me at night. I just hope I don't go crazy and have emotional break downs each night. I pray I am able to sleep without him beside me.
The most we've ever been apart was a week at time and that was when we were dating and we were at different schools. And even then it wasn't a full week it was just Monday through Friday that we didn't see each other because we both came home on the weekends. And then we didn't have 3 kids. And lets not even get started on how much they are going to miss their daddy. Last night Lily asked him if he was going to come home from work today or if he was going to be in Florida. I know that had to break his heart as it will mine when I know the girls are going to ache from missing their daddy. They have a pretty amazing, sweet, compassionate daddy who loves them very much and will miss interacting with them and loving on them. This will be hard on him too. We hope to be able to face-time or Skype daily so they can talk to him. I just hope its enough to get us through the 2 weeks without him. Its going to have to be.
Some people may think this is no big deal but when you are a stay-at-home mom its even harder. My sane time was when Ryan was home with us - especially on the weekends when I felt I got a little time to myself and I get a break from some of the responsibility. Ryan enjoys spending time with and taking care of our girls and for that I am very grateful. I know not many dads out there are like that and that's why its a big deal to me because I will feel a difference when he's gone. No more sleeping in for me on Saturdays while he's up with the girls. Sunday mornings will seem more rushed because he wont be here to get them ready and take them to church with him when he goes early for Worship Team. Getting anywhere is going to take twice as long. I already feel like I am late to everything and its only going to get worse. I don't want to complain I am just realizing how much I need and rely on him each and every single day and its going to take strength from God to get me through each day. I will have a new respect for single moms after this experience for sure and mom's of military husbands. Mom's with husbands who travel for work all the time. I commend them and will be in prayer for them as well during this time and hopefully something will continue to pray about after this is all over.
Its only for a short season and could be a lot worse. But it doesn't mean it isn't going to be tough to go thru. Thanks for reading and thanks for praying for me- those of you that know me.
