2015 goals

I don't like to say resolutions because I look at those as more of long term changes a person makes and those are harder for me to wrap my mind around.  So I have a few goals for this year.  In no particular order.  Just as they pop into my head.  Hang on gotta go lay the screaming baby at my feet down for a much needed nap!

1. Get my 2014 shutterfly book done

2. Organize my pantry

3. Reorganize basement storage shelves & purge things!

4. Read 1 book a month - this may be reaching!

5. Go on a walk once a week

6. Stay only 1 month behind on my avon quickbooks bookkeeping 

Ok that's all I can think of for now and now that I have them in writing I do have a couple resolutions that I am already doing.

 1. Drink at least 80 oz of water daily

2. Strive to do at least 8,000 steps a day - this requires I walk circles around my island.  Maybe I will progress to around the house when it's above 40 outside.

3. Cut back on sugar in my coffee and pop

Here's to a better healthier more organized me!

Not sure how to feel but I can do this

We are now a week from when we leave well a week from tomorrow morning.  We plan to leave Friday August 1st and are considering pulling an all nighter just so we can get home - I know we are crazy right??!!  But something about getting home fast and having more time home together and not having to book a last minute hotel is appealing to me.  That means more time to unpack before Ryan leaves again.  There it is I've said it.  I hate those words and now I fear it's going to happen more times than I thought.  There is now a good chance that he won't be back for good til the end of September - sigh so that means 2 months without him.  Preparing for Rylee's first birthday party without him - or I could wait and do it all when he returns but I am cursed with the horrible insane idiosyncrasy of loving to plan way ahead for things so nothing is left for last minute - which is why I spent about 2 months packing for our 2.5 month summer in Florida.  And yes I did overpack.  Clothes.  Always clothes.

So I am struggling to fight emotions that conflict when I think about being home.  I miss my home in Kansas.  I miss a lot of things about the house itself that makes me excited to be back.  But then I think it still won't be home.  It still won't feel right or complete until this whole ordeal is over and we can finally call our new house our home and start making it that way.

It's been a long 3 years journey to get to this place.  In the fall of 2011 we started getting rid of things and fixing up our old house to sell.  Started a mindset that included being mindful of keeping the house in order.  We listed it for sale by owner in March 2012 and attempted to sell it ourself for almost 11 months.  Constantly being ready for showings that never happened and open houses that went no where.  Then that summer we learned of the possibility of moving to North Dakota for 18 months for a job project there with JE Dunn - we agreed and for the moment put a few things on hold including aggressively selling the house.  The job promised a promotion which they gave him before anything happened.   So MONTHS went by and nothing about the job no info so we started to operate of the mindset that we aren't going and weren't going to wait and ruin our future plans to grow our family and build a new house.  So trusting God, we took a step of faith and listed with an agent that happened to call asking about our expired lot reservation for our new house- we didn't know it had.  After talking to him we eventually listed our home with him.  So neat to look back on how Gods hand was in that whole ordeal.  He was meant to call then because we were ready to hear his sales pitch for his services.  So glad we did.

We were on the market officially the end of January 2013 and within 3 days had a couple showings and an offer that we eventually took.  During this time we also got word that we would not be moving to North Dakota - thankful for our step of faith that paid off!!  Looking back I feel it was a test to see if Ryan would be willing and that's what helped his promotion.  

 Thirty some days into the closing process after inspections we get devastating news that our buyer lost their financing.  This news came 1 day after we found out we were pregnant with Rylee and days after we signed a contract with the builder that included a big earnest deposit.  Flooded with emotions we prayed and trusted God that the best thing to do was to get the buyer to cancel and go back on the market instead of waiting for them to get new financing.  After about 2 weeks of seriously crazy showing after showing we ended up with a bidding war and came out better and only 2 weeks past our original timeline for closing the original deal.  We had a cash buyer that wanted us out in 2 weeks!!  We were thrilled!  This was April 2013 - we then moved in with Ryan's parents for the summer.   Built our house and closed 9/30 and moved in the beginning of October - 3 weeks before Rylee's arrival.  It was crazy!  Then she ended up coming almost a week earlier than planned as I spent 3 days in the hospital before she was born being monitored for high blood pressures.

After only about a month together in our new home we get news of Ryan needing to take this position in Florida.  Holy post partum emotional breakdown.  We prayed about it but for some reason I knew right away that this is what we should do.  That this is what Ryan needed to do.  So for the next month and a half we soaked up as much family time as possible and I had Ryan do a bunch of quick house things for me.  Then the dreaded day approached January 5, 2014 - Ryan leaves with a truck full of his things with his dad for Fort Walton Beach Florida to take a job at the Eglin Air Force base working on the hospital.  7-9 months they said originally but then paperwork said 10 months.  I can do this.  I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.

Don't let me fool you and if you've read any other of my posts you know how I put myself out there.  No sugar coating here.  Just me...it was tough.  Awful.  Painful.  Lonely.  Frustrating.  Depressing.

A 2 month old nursing baby a 3 year old and a 5 year old.  After about a month and a half I had to move Lily to all day kindergarten - which she loved and thrived at - so thankful.  I needed a break.  No time.  So much to do. And I a lot of the times just didn't want to do it.  But then nobody would if I didn't. 

So after almost 5 months of only every other weekend we got to come and join him the end of May.  So with us leaving next week that put us here almost 2.5 months.  Another displaced summer.  My girls and really all of us are ready for a normal life.  Whatever that is.   I know now that I don't think I could have done this if it weren't for family and friends help - especially my inlaws who gave up their "other" weekends to house my kids the weekends Ryan wasn't home.

So this is what I dread.  These thoughts and remembering how hard it was without my best friend.  Nights after putting the girls to bed is our time together.  It means catching up on tv shows watching a movie or simply me reading and him playing games on his phone with the tv on.  Just being in the same room - next to each other.  Don't even have to talk.  Just his presence.  That's what I need.  That's what I missed.  As well as the help around the house.  A new house that really I was still learning how best to care for while recovering from a c-section and feeding a baby every 2-3 hours.  Please don't read this as a complaint but simply stating how it was.  I love feeding Rylee - nursing is something I looked forward to and honestly I never felt like I could truly enjoy my time with her because it was constantly interrupted or cut short because I just had to put her down to tend to the other 2.  When I think about it now it makes me so sad that my special time with her seems like a flash now and simply a chore I did and then had to put her down.  I missed some special time with her.  Trying not to let that depress me anymore than it already has.  Truly I believe this journey wouldn't have been so hard if I had 3 older kids and no newborn.  But God's timing is perfect.   I look forward to some sweet time I will get with her while Lily and Charlee are at school this fall.  One kid.  Not sure what I am going to do with myself!  I hope immediately it will be some splash time at our new neighborhood pool in the mornings.  Or walks in the neighborhood before she takes a nap.  I want to make up for loss time with her.  This excites me about going home.

I am also hoping to take better advantage of nap time and bedtime and get some projects done around the house including curtains for our bed room and some side light curtains for our front door.  I also hope to get things ready for a fall garage sale - which now may have to wait til October.  After living 2 summers now on minimal things from our home I am so ready to de-clutter and reorganize.  

I am hoping to plant some bulbs for spring and get some mums for my front walkway.  I love fall and I love decorating for fall.  Trying to find the positive things in being home even if it is without Ryan.

Holy blog post.  I can do this.  I can do all things.

Bittersweet End

As I get depressed thinking about how our summer in Florida is now less than a month til it's over I am trying to focus on what I am looking forward to and what I miss about home in Kansas.  Trying not to think about going back into my worst fear zone with out my partner in life and best friend for another month or 2 possibly.  So here's a totally random list that I may continue to add to the rest of this month as we near the end of our Florida summer.  Again no particular order so don't get depressed if you aren't number one or judge me if something is above another.  It's random.  And don't read this that I am complaining about our life here because it's been perfect for our family and I am grateful for this home.

1. Leaving means it's closer to the whole thing being over

2. Rylee getting to play with toys her big sisters played with

3. My French door bottom freezer fridge

4. Morning coffee with my bestie

5. Getting to play in my new yard -ideas of planting and landscaping

6. My bed - my bed - with my fan

7. My big beautiful bathtub and shower with a seat!!!

8. A garage

9. Getting to use our new neighborhood pool!

10. Hanging out with our neighbors again and meeting new ones

11. Getting started on my new Mutu workout program to get my tummy back (don't have right equipment here.)

12. My kitchen- my beautiful kitchen

13. Getting to see my Charlee start preschool!

14.  Enjoying more one on one time with Rylee once school starts

15. Preparing for a garage sale (need to purge!)

16. Full access to all my shoes and clothes 

17. Our DVR - I hate live tv

18. The game show network - missing me some family feud!

19. My girls miss their cousins and grandparents

20. Eventually having a normal life in our new home that's almost a year old.

21. Getting back to my Avon business

22. Sunday lunch with my family

23. Walks thru our neighborhood looking at the new houses - our beautiful walking trail too!

24. My deep freeze.  I miss stocking up on things.

25.  Aldi - oh how I miss my simple grocery store!

26. Target being closer!  (Maybe this was a blessing in disguise?)

27. My efficient dryer!  No more starting it again!

28. My big pantry - again I like to stock up so I don't shop as often!

29. Maverick - yes I miss our dog!

30. Girls miss their scooters

31. Shorter church commute - seeing my church friends and having people to talk to

32. Working on hanging my canvas prints of my girls and other home decor.

33. My coffee mugs - the ones with pics

34. Quiet dishwasher

35. Thick insulated bedroom walls that keep Rylee asleep longer and the other 2!

36. Dark window treatments that block the light! ( I like it dark ok?!)

37. Girls having separate beds.  

38. Pull down shower head in the girls bathroom

39. Our comfy couch!

40. My printer!

Ok that's it for now - I want to read before the girls wake from their nap!