I do support and am proud of my husband and what he's doing for our family. I may complain and vent from time to time, but deep down I know that all of this is going to have a wonderful pay out in the end. Currently the immediate is the extra money coming in that is helping us save a bigger emergency fund and build up savings for finishing our basement one day. So for that I am grateful. I am thankful my husband has a good job and that I am blessed to stay home with my kids. This is something we decided before we even got married that I would stay home with our kids. So right away we started to adjust our finances and plan to live on one income and to save most of mine. We used most of mine to aggressively pay off our cars in a decent time way before their term was due (I hate car payments).
I don't want my feeling free to vent to offend anyone or to make anyone think that I am not grateful for anything that I have in my life. I just know that any other stay at home mom out there who has to go without her husband and partner in life for a long period of time or even short periods - is going to have some issues and get frustrated. Is going to have melt downs- is going to get sick of her kids. Especially if they are young and still around all day long - especially if they fight a lot when they are home.
I love being home with my kids. I chose to do this. I chose to give up my career (job) and I chose to be home with my kids. So I guess you could say I should just suck it up and enjoy every minute right? Because I DO know that there are those out there who would love to be home with their kids. Every situation is different and I would appreciate it if you don't judge me based on your situation. ANYONE when thrown into a single parent situation that has nothing but 5year olds and younger to talk to during the day and evening - to interact with - is going to get over whelmed. I could turn to you and say - well at least you get to be out of the house - at least you get adult interaction. I could have adult interaction if I wanted to work outside the home. But again I chose to be home with my children. To each their own. Everyone's situation is different not one situation should seem easier than another's because we don't all know what each other go through-- we aren't there.
I am not going to say that if you work and also have to be alone with your kids once you get home that it isn't just as hard? I know it is. Its lonely and I will say it again - I do have a new found respect and compassion for single moms and moms with military spouses. I mean at least I get to talk to my husband. Some wives don't even get to communicate with them. And for THAT I am grateful. For that I am blessed. I don't want to get into a debate with anyone. Maybe I should chose a different way to let out my feelings than to put it out there on the internet. I guess I just thought maybe if I got a little sympathy I would feel better? But what I really should be doing is venting to the ONE who truly cares for me unconditionally and I know for a fact has missed me this week - maybe that's why its been so hard lately? I have neglected my time with God. Its probably because ANY time I get alone to myself I chose to shower or unload the dishwasher or catch up on bills and receipts or folding laundry...I should be spending that time praying to God to give me strength throughout my day and to give me patience with my kids - and to allow for quiet alone time in my day where I can renew myself - where I can gather my thoughts and get my sanity back so I can be the mom my girls need me to be. They don't need a mom who is tired and constantly frustrated all day long and all evening long. They need a mom who's priority is to love them and take care of them. Period. I am that mom - they have no one else - especially because their daddy isn't here. I have to remember I am not the only one missing him. And even more their daddy misses them. I need to remind myself that at least I GET to be around 3 little pieces of him and where he's at he has no one. No warm body to remind him of his family. So when I am getting frustrated and upset I need to pray and ask God to remind me of the blessings of my situation. I need to not forget what all He has given me already. I look at this blog and I can't believe its been 2 months since I last wrote. Its been 3 months tomorrow since he left and looking back it seems to have gone fast - just don't ask or tell me that when I am having a bad day ;-)
I don't really know what I want to accomplish writing this. I just know that for me today was a bad day. And YES it was because Lily didn't have school. And for some strange reason when that happens Charlee is a different person and they fight and fuss and whine and complain and tattle ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY! It does drive one crazy so YES I appreciate school because that is the format that Lily thrives in and when she's at school getting her groove on Charlee is a sweet independent little angel who does not scream at me and willingly takes naps and is fun to be around. I enjoy my time with her and my day goes so much smoother when my kids get breaks from each other. Its healthy for them its healthy for me. THEY need a change in who they interact with too.
Well I think that's enough rattling of feathers for now. Those of you that know me know my heart and understand what I am going through and I know are praying for me and I appreciate that.
I know it doesn't seem like it at times but I am thankful, blessed, proud, and happy to be a stay-at-home mom even now when I get no breaks and am missing my best friend so much that even as I type this I just want to curl up and cry because I ache for him. I know it doesn't seem like it but I know I'm not perfect and I know I am not entitled to a trial free life. But this last year has been an interesting one for sure. One I am sure I will look back on one day and say "that's when I grew" "that's when I found myself" "that's when I truly appreciated my husband and my family"----nite all....please don't hate me.....for being real.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Friday, April 4, 2014
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Charlee's Arrival- Summer- Trusting God
Well it has been awhile since I have written an update. Obviously because Charlee was born and I haven't had much time to get on the computer.
I wanted to tell a brief story of how she got here.
Sunday May 23rd I started having mild contractions in the afternoon and they progressed to the point that I did end up calling my doctor. They were 8-12 minutes apart and lasting about 20 sec. I was told to call when I had more than 4 in an hour. She advised that I take a warm bath which actually did help but as soon as I got out they came back. Thankfully they didn't happen all night. But they did start back up Monday (24th) morning so I called back and she had me go ahead and make an appointment to come see her. They hooked me up to the non-stress test machine and tracked my contractions. They were showing as mild and I was not dialated so she sent me home with "pre-labor" contractions that I would just have to deal with til my C-section the next morning.
As Monday went on into the evening the contractions got worse. In fact from about 8pm on they were pretty intense and after midnight they became closer together and longer. I wasn't able to sleep at all and about 2am I decided it was time to go to the hospital because they were every 3-5 minutes apart and lasting for over a minute each. So I showered and we got everything in the van and Ryan's dad came to be with Lily so we could head to the hospital. I had strong contractions the whole way to the hospital. It was about 3:15am once we got there. They hooked me up to the machines and started a fluid IV to see if they could slow them down. I was fine waiting til 7:30am for the C-section as long as they could give me something for the pain until then. After about an hour or so the fluids were not working so they called the on-call surgeon which happened to be the doctor that did my c-section with Lily. I am certain this was God's doing. At 5am they decided to go ahead and do the c-section at 5:30am. They quickly got me prepped and gave me my spinal block which didn't hurt hardly at all. This time around was strange to be so alert and not in pain while they got me ready for the surgery. As soon as the meds kicked in I no longer felt my contractions. My doctor arrived and they started the surgery on time. However, there was something unusual about my surgery, according to the doctors and nurses. Without going into too much detail about it. My intestines were not where they were supposed to be and they had adhered to my uterus. So to get Charlee out they had to detach them and rearrange them where they were supposed to go. The doctors said they had never seen anything like this before. And with that there would be a greater risk for an illeus like last time. In order to prevent further issues down the road they had to do this and they put a cheese cloth between my uterus and my intestines to prevent them from adhering again. Charlee was then born at 5:49am. Weighing in at 7 lbs 11.8 oz and 19.5 inches long. Perfectly healthy! I am so thankful that we had the surgeon we did because the lady that we were supposed to have apparently was worried after hearing about my post-op 2 week illeus after my first c-section. Not exactly what you want to hear from someone who would be doing major surgery on you.
After the surgery everything went well I was able to go home on time without any issues and I have not had any issues since then. Praise the Lord!
Charlee has since passed her birth weight weighing in at 7 lbs. 15 oz on Tuesday. I sure wish her belly button stump would fall off so I can do her newborn pics and Lily's 2 year portraits. Hopefully this week.
As far as this summer goes. I am trying to stay positive and not complain about the fact that Ryan is most likely going to be working every Saturday through the middle of August. I know I should be thankful he has a job and that he will be getting overtime which will help pay for the new air conditioner/heat pump we just had to buy. But when will we get to do stuff together as a family? When will we get to go swimming? Or to the Zoo? I guess we will have to wait til August. I just am sad because this means he will not get as much time with Charlee as I know he would like. But God is good and I know that we are blessed by Him by Ryan getting this job. And who knows maybe his reward for driving that far and working that much will be that his next job will be closer to home. Like maybe a 30 minute or less drive! That would be my prayer but I know we should just be thankful that he has work and that he will have a job to move to once this project is complete. God give me patience and understanding!
I wanted to tell a brief story of how she got here.
Sunday May 23rd I started having mild contractions in the afternoon and they progressed to the point that I did end up calling my doctor. They were 8-12 minutes apart and lasting about 20 sec. I was told to call when I had more than 4 in an hour. She advised that I take a warm bath which actually did help but as soon as I got out they came back. Thankfully they didn't happen all night. But they did start back up Monday (24th) morning so I called back and she had me go ahead and make an appointment to come see her. They hooked me up to the non-stress test machine and tracked my contractions. They were showing as mild and I was not dialated so she sent me home with "pre-labor" contractions that I would just have to deal with til my C-section the next morning.
As Monday went on into the evening the contractions got worse. In fact from about 8pm on they were pretty intense and after midnight they became closer together and longer. I wasn't able to sleep at all and about 2am I decided it was time to go to the hospital because they were every 3-5 minutes apart and lasting for over a minute each. So I showered and we got everything in the van and Ryan's dad came to be with Lily so we could head to the hospital. I had strong contractions the whole way to the hospital. It was about 3:15am once we got there. They hooked me up to the machines and started a fluid IV to see if they could slow them down. I was fine waiting til 7:30am for the C-section as long as they could give me something for the pain until then. After about an hour or so the fluids were not working so they called the on-call surgeon which happened to be the doctor that did my c-section with Lily. I am certain this was God's doing. At 5am they decided to go ahead and do the c-section at 5:30am. They quickly got me prepped and gave me my spinal block which didn't hurt hardly at all. This time around was strange to be so alert and not in pain while they got me ready for the surgery. As soon as the meds kicked in I no longer felt my contractions. My doctor arrived and they started the surgery on time. However, there was something unusual about my surgery, according to the doctors and nurses. Without going into too much detail about it. My intestines were not where they were supposed to be and they had adhered to my uterus. So to get Charlee out they had to detach them and rearrange them where they were supposed to go. The doctors said they had never seen anything like this before. And with that there would be a greater risk for an illeus like last time. In order to prevent further issues down the road they had to do this and they put a cheese cloth between my uterus and my intestines to prevent them from adhering again. Charlee was then born at 5:49am. Weighing in at 7 lbs 11.8 oz and 19.5 inches long. Perfectly healthy! I am so thankful that we had the surgeon we did because the lady that we were supposed to have apparently was worried after hearing about my post-op 2 week illeus after my first c-section. Not exactly what you want to hear from someone who would be doing major surgery on you.
After the surgery everything went well I was able to go home on time without any issues and I have not had any issues since then. Praise the Lord!
Charlee has since passed her birth weight weighing in at 7 lbs. 15 oz on Tuesday. I sure wish her belly button stump would fall off so I can do her newborn pics and Lily's 2 year portraits. Hopefully this week.
As far as this summer goes. I am trying to stay positive and not complain about the fact that Ryan is most likely going to be working every Saturday through the middle of August. I know I should be thankful he has a job and that he will be getting overtime which will help pay for the new air conditioner/heat pump we just had to buy. But when will we get to do stuff together as a family? When will we get to go swimming? Or to the Zoo? I guess we will have to wait til August. I just am sad because this means he will not get as much time with Charlee as I know he would like. But God is good and I know that we are blessed by Him by Ryan getting this job. And who knows maybe his reward for driving that far and working that much will be that his next job will be closer to home. Like maybe a 30 minute or less drive! That would be my prayer but I know we should just be thankful that he has work and that he will have a job to move to once this project is complete. God give me patience and understanding!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Where does time go?
Oh boy, still can't believe Lily will be 18 Months old on Sunday. Where has time gone? I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital. I realized this today as I held my friend's new baby girl not even a day old yet. She weighs just under 5 lbs. Tiny little angel. It made me forget how little they start out. Even though Lily weighed almost a pound more than her it still reminded me of holding her. Lily came with me to the hospital and as soon as she saw me holding her she immediately wanted to be on my lap on top of the baby. She kept saying baby and pointing at her. I don't know if she was jealous or just interested in the baby. She had a cute pink hat on and a pretty pink outfit. I was able to share Lily's preemie clothes with them as they will most certainly need them for awhile. We didn't have many cause we were blessed to borrow some from friends whose 1st baby was pre-mature as well. But I am glad that they are getting worn again.
I look at Lily each day and notice new things she's doing. So much of me wants to be able to remember how she is at this age because she's most certainly entertaining and so funny with everything she does and says. I know I should be journaling things and I do but I am just afraid that I will forget the little things like the way she sings "Veggietales" when she wants to watch them. Or how she runs from you in her crib in the morning like she can really get far. Or the boat noise she makes in the bathtub with her boat and fish toys. Each moment so precious each moment passing so fast. I just pray that I am able to take time to notice each new thing she does and that I can cherish and remember these things later when she is all grown up and I am wondering what happened to my cute little toddler? She will always be my baby.
Our family will be taking a vacation to Hawaii this January. We will be going with Ryan's parents and sister & brother- in- law. We are very excited. Hoping and praying that the plane ride will not be torture to us or those around us. We may just have to invest in a portable DVD player and put on some Veggietales for her. This trip is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable. Most of the vacations that Ryan and I have taken have been so planned and each day filled with things we HAD to do. This trip will not be that way. Ryan's even saying he doesn't want to bring his cell phone. I don't know if I will go that far. But I am looking forward to getting away from distractions of everyday life and basking in God's amazing creation. Can't wait to lay on the beach and read. It will be just what we need.
Currently Reading:
I look at Lily each day and notice new things she's doing. So much of me wants to be able to remember how she is at this age because she's most certainly entertaining and so funny with everything she does and says. I know I should be journaling things and I do but I am just afraid that I will forget the little things like the way she sings "Veggietales" when she wants to watch them. Or how she runs from you in her crib in the morning like she can really get far. Or the boat noise she makes in the bathtub with her boat and fish toys. Each moment so precious each moment passing so fast. I just pray that I am able to take time to notice each new thing she does and that I can cherish and remember these things later when she is all grown up and I am wondering what happened to my cute little toddler? She will always be my baby.
Our family will be taking a vacation to Hawaii this January. We will be going with Ryan's parents and sister & brother- in- law. We are very excited. Hoping and praying that the plane ride will not be torture to us or those around us. We may just have to invest in a portable DVD player and put on some Veggietales for her. This trip is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable. Most of the vacations that Ryan and I have taken have been so planned and each day filled with things we HAD to do. This trip will not be that way. Ryan's even saying he doesn't want to bring his cell phone. I don't know if I will go that far. But I am looking forward to getting away from distractions of everyday life and basking in God's amazing creation. Can't wait to lay on the beach and read. It will be just what we need.
Currently Reading:
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