So no one told me it would be easy and I never thought it would be, but it seems like this summer hit me pretty hard. First we had to fork over $6800 for a new AC/Heat Pump and that was before Charlee even got here. Then Ryan went back to work and started working Saturdays and late almost every night if not every other at least not getting home til 7pm or even 8pm some nights. Then he’s gone Sunday mornings for Worship team. Needless to say I was feeling the burn of some “single parenthood” right after bringing home a new baby. Adjusting to having 2 has been hard for me. I think its mainly all timing of everything though. If Lily wasn’t entering her “terrible 2’s” and if Ryan’s job wasn’t so crazy and if we didn’t have to fork out almost $7K while still trying to pay medical bills…it wouldn’t seem so overwhelming would it? I guess I will never know.
When did life get so overwhelming? I have to at least say that the last 5 years we have had it pretty good. God has blessed our marriage since the beginning. We have never really had any issues financially or with anything else really. So now is the time I guess for God to be testing me. However, I already felt like He tested me with my pregnancy by putting me on bed rest for the last month. Now its patience in dealing with my sweet 2 year old who definitely knows how to push mommy’s buttons and patience in being content with Ryan’s job. I want to be able to say “oh I need to just be thankful he has a job and that he enjoys it” sure easy enough. I am THANKFUL. But that doesn’t mean that it still isn’t hard on me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him when he’s gone or that I just long to be able to have a Saturday together as a family. I do. And I think I am entitled to feel this way after just having a baby. My emotions have definitely gotten the better of me this summer. Sometimes I don’t even know why I am crying. Just being overwhelmed at times. God tells me “HEY” you need to slow down and just breathe ME in! And that has been my life line. I had sorta set aside my personal quiet time right after Charlee was born and I don’t doubt that by not spending time in the word and not spending time in prayer it made my struggle even worse. So the last 3 weeks I have been doing it every morning after feeding Charlee at 5 or 6am before I go back to sleep. And let me tell you it has made a huge difference to my day! Imagine that! I knew it would. I just needed to get in the habit of doing it again and making it a priority.
Life seems to be settling down again. Ryan had this past Saturday off and we enjoyed time together as a family then got to spend time just us. I will never again think about Saturdays home with the family the same way again. The time is precious. I am sure that God longs to be with me the way that I long to have Ryan home and time together as a family. Wow but what a way to give a girl a wake up call! I hear ya! Loud and clear. Thank you Jesus!
Now its just the waiting game again. Waiting to hear either this week or next week where JE Dunn will be sending Ryan next. I pray that its close to home. Really anywhere would have to be closer than Warrensburg at this point. But ultimately I pray that Ryan will enjoy his next project and that it won’t take away anymore of his time with his family. Because I am sure he’s sick of hearing how tired I am of him coming home late. I know its not his fault but sometimes a girl just has to VENT! And that’s kinda what I am doing now too I guess. So thanks for listening….er reading!
