2015 goals

I don't like to say resolutions because I look at those as more of long term changes a person makes and those are harder for me to wrap my mind around.  So I have a few goals for this year.  In no particular order.  Just as they pop into my head.  Hang on gotta go lay the screaming baby at my feet down for a much needed nap!

1. Get my 2014 shutterfly book done

2. Organize my pantry

3. Reorganize basement storage shelves & purge things!

4. Read 1 book a month - this may be reaching!

5. Go on a walk once a week

6. Stay only 1 month behind on my avon quickbooks bookkeeping 

Ok that's all I can think of for now and now that I have them in writing I do have a couple resolutions that I am already doing.

 1. Drink at least 80 oz of water daily

2. Strive to do at least 8,000 steps a day - this requires I walk circles around my island.  Maybe I will progress to around the house when it's above 40 outside.

3. Cut back on sugar in my coffee and pop

Here's to a better healthier more organized me!

Not sure how to feel but I can do this

We are now a week from when we leave well a week from tomorrow morning.  We plan to leave Friday August 1st and are considering pulling an all nighter just so we can get home - I know we are crazy right??!!  But something about getting home fast and having more time home together and not having to book a last minute hotel is appealing to me.  That means more time to unpack before Ryan leaves again.  There it is I've said it.  I hate those words and now I fear it's going to happen more times than I thought.  There is now a good chance that he won't be back for good til the end of September - sigh so that means 2 months without him.  Preparing for Rylee's first birthday party without him - or I could wait and do it all when he returns but I am cursed with the horrible insane idiosyncrasy of loving to plan way ahead for things so nothing is left for last minute - which is why I spent about 2 months packing for our 2.5 month summer in Florida.  And yes I did overpack.  Clothes.  Always clothes.

So I am struggling to fight emotions that conflict when I think about being home.  I miss my home in Kansas.  I miss a lot of things about the house itself that makes me excited to be back.  But then I think it still won't be home.  It still won't feel right or complete until this whole ordeal is over and we can finally call our new house our home and start making it that way.

It's been a long 3 years journey to get to this place.  In the fall of 2011 we started getting rid of things and fixing up our old house to sell.  Started a mindset that included being mindful of keeping the house in order.  We listed it for sale by owner in March 2012 and attempted to sell it ourself for almost 11 months.  Constantly being ready for showings that never happened and open houses that went no where.  Then that summer we learned of the possibility of moving to North Dakota for 18 months for a job project there with JE Dunn - we agreed and for the moment put a few things on hold including aggressively selling the house.  The job promised a promotion which they gave him before anything happened.   So MONTHS went by and nothing about the job no info so we started to operate of the mindset that we aren't going and weren't going to wait and ruin our future plans to grow our family and build a new house.  So trusting God, we took a step of faith and listed with an agent that happened to call asking about our expired lot reservation for our new house- we didn't know it had.  After talking to him we eventually listed our home with him.  So neat to look back on how Gods hand was in that whole ordeal.  He was meant to call then because we were ready to hear his sales pitch for his services.  So glad we did.

We were on the market officially the end of January 2013 and within 3 days had a couple showings and an offer that we eventually took.  During this time we also got word that we would not be moving to North Dakota - thankful for our step of faith that paid off!!  Looking back I feel it was a test to see if Ryan would be willing and that's what helped his promotion.  

 Thirty some days into the closing process after inspections we get devastating news that our buyer lost their financing.  This news came 1 day after we found out we were pregnant with Rylee and days after we signed a contract with the builder that included a big earnest deposit.  Flooded with emotions we prayed and trusted God that the best thing to do was to get the buyer to cancel and go back on the market instead of waiting for them to get new financing.  After about 2 weeks of seriously crazy showing after showing we ended up with a bidding war and came out better and only 2 weeks past our original timeline for closing the original deal.  We had a cash buyer that wanted us out in 2 weeks!!  We were thrilled!  This was April 2013 - we then moved in with Ryan's parents for the summer.   Built our house and closed 9/30 and moved in the beginning of October - 3 weeks before Rylee's arrival.  It was crazy!  Then she ended up coming almost a week earlier than planned as I spent 3 days in the hospital before she was born being monitored for high blood pressures.

After only about a month together in our new home we get news of Ryan needing to take this position in Florida.  Holy post partum emotional breakdown.  We prayed about it but for some reason I knew right away that this is what we should do.  That this is what Ryan needed to do.  So for the next month and a half we soaked up as much family time as possible and I had Ryan do a bunch of quick house things for me.  Then the dreaded day approached January 5, 2014 - Ryan leaves with a truck full of his things with his dad for Fort Walton Beach Florida to take a job at the Eglin Air Force base working on the hospital.  7-9 months they said originally but then paperwork said 10 months.  I can do this.  I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.

Don't let me fool you and if you've read any other of my posts you know how I put myself out there.  No sugar coating here.  Just me...it was tough.  Awful.  Painful.  Lonely.  Frustrating.  Depressing.

A 2 month old nursing baby a 3 year old and a 5 year old.  After about a month and a half I had to move Lily to all day kindergarten - which she loved and thrived at - so thankful.  I needed a break.  No time.  So much to do. And I a lot of the times just didn't want to do it.  But then nobody would if I didn't. 

So after almost 5 months of only every other weekend we got to come and join him the end of May.  So with us leaving next week that put us here almost 2.5 months.  Another displaced summer.  My girls and really all of us are ready for a normal life.  Whatever that is.   I know now that I don't think I could have done this if it weren't for family and friends help - especially my inlaws who gave up their "other" weekends to house my kids the weekends Ryan wasn't home.

So this is what I dread.  These thoughts and remembering how hard it was without my best friend.  Nights after putting the girls to bed is our time together.  It means catching up on tv shows watching a movie or simply me reading and him playing games on his phone with the tv on.  Just being in the same room - next to each other.  Don't even have to talk.  Just his presence.  That's what I need.  That's what I missed.  As well as the help around the house.  A new house that really I was still learning how best to care for while recovering from a c-section and feeding a baby every 2-3 hours.  Please don't read this as a complaint but simply stating how it was.  I love feeding Rylee - nursing is something I looked forward to and honestly I never felt like I could truly enjoy my time with her because it was constantly interrupted or cut short because I just had to put her down to tend to the other 2.  When I think about it now it makes me so sad that my special time with her seems like a flash now and simply a chore I did and then had to put her down.  I missed some special time with her.  Trying not to let that depress me anymore than it already has.  Truly I believe this journey wouldn't have been so hard if I had 3 older kids and no newborn.  But God's timing is perfect.   I look forward to some sweet time I will get with her while Lily and Charlee are at school this fall.  One kid.  Not sure what I am going to do with myself!  I hope immediately it will be some splash time at our new neighborhood pool in the mornings.  Or walks in the neighborhood before she takes a nap.  I want to make up for loss time with her.  This excites me about going home.

I am also hoping to take better advantage of nap time and bedtime and get some projects done around the house including curtains for our bed room and some side light curtains for our front door.  I also hope to get things ready for a fall garage sale - which now may have to wait til October.  After living 2 summers now on minimal things from our home I am so ready to de-clutter and reorganize.  

I am hoping to plant some bulbs for spring and get some mums for my front walkway.  I love fall and I love decorating for fall.  Trying to find the positive things in being home even if it is without Ryan.

Holy blog post.  I can do this.  I can do all things.

Bittersweet End

As I get depressed thinking about how our summer in Florida is now less than a month til it's over I am trying to focus on what I am looking forward to and what I miss about home in Kansas.  Trying not to think about going back into my worst fear zone with out my partner in life and best friend for another month or 2 possibly.  So here's a totally random list that I may continue to add to the rest of this month as we near the end of our Florida summer.  Again no particular order so don't get depressed if you aren't number one or judge me if something is above another.  It's random.  And don't read this that I am complaining about our life here because it's been perfect for our family and I am grateful for this home.

1. Leaving means it's closer to the whole thing being over

2. Rylee getting to play with toys her big sisters played with

3. My French door bottom freezer fridge

4. Morning coffee with my bestie

5. Getting to play in my new yard -ideas of planting and landscaping

6. My bed - my bed - with my fan

7. My big beautiful bathtub and shower with a seat!!!

8. A garage

9. Getting to use our new neighborhood pool!

10. Hanging out with our neighbors again and meeting new ones

11. Getting started on my new Mutu workout program to get my tummy back (don't have right equipment here.)

12. My kitchen- my beautiful kitchen

13. Getting to see my Charlee start preschool!

14.  Enjoying more one on one time with Rylee once school starts

15. Preparing for a garage sale (need to purge!)

16. Full access to all my shoes and clothes 

17. Our DVR - I hate live tv

18. The game show network - missing me some family feud!

19. My girls miss their cousins and grandparents

20. Eventually having a normal life in our new home that's almost a year old.

21. Getting back to my Avon business

22. Sunday lunch with my family

23. Walks thru our neighborhood looking at the new houses - our beautiful walking trail too!

24. My deep freeze.  I miss stocking up on things.

25.  Aldi - oh how I miss my simple grocery store!

26. Target being closer!  (Maybe this was a blessing in disguise?)

27. My efficient dryer!  No more starting it again!

28. My big pantry - again I like to stock up so I don't shop as often!

29. Maverick - yes I miss our dog!

30. Girls miss their scooters

31. Shorter church commute - seeing my church friends and having people to talk to

32. Working on hanging my canvas prints of my girls and other home decor.

33. My coffee mugs - the ones with pics

34. Quiet dishwasher

35. Thick insulated bedroom walls that keep Rylee asleep longer and the other 2!

36. Dark window treatments that block the light! ( I like it dark ok?!)

37. Girls having separate beds.  

38. Pull down shower head in the girls bathroom

39. Our comfy couch!

40. My printer!

Ok that's it for now - I want to read before the girls wake from their nap!

My Journey to heal my Diastasis Recti

So I have decided to not just accept the way my body looks after having a baby.  Oh great...you say...she's not happy with the body God has given her?  She needs to be thankful she had 3 beautiful girls and accept that the body afterwards is just part of it.   While I agree with that (the being thankful for having 3 kids and I am thankful for the body God gave me) I don't think I should just sit back and do nothing to try and get my body back into shape and I shouldn't just listen to what everyone thinks about me - when I am not comfortable in my own skin - and there's a good reason now!
Today I am sharing with you that I am glad that I started to research how to get rid of my mommy tummy.  Because like most women and moms out there I have the tendency to compare myself to other moms who have had kids - and their tummys have gone right back even to the point of being comfortable in a bikini - I look at my forever 4 month pregnant-looking tummy and think no way - no how!!  So after researching on pinterest and google - I have come to find that I actually have a condition that a lot of moms have after giving birth to multiple children in a short amount of time.  
I have diastasis recti - which is "A diastasis recti is a separation of your outer most abdominal muscles. The job of these muscles (called rectus abdominis), is to support your back and your organs." -definition and photo courtesy of this website

How do you know if you have a diastasis?

If you have a protruding (pregnant looking) belly OR your belly button is an outie OR you have a half football (alien like) bulge when you lift your shoulders off the ground, you most definitely have a diastasis! An umbilical hernia is a side effect of a diastasis recti.

So you are probably thinking ok - so what.  The more I read and watch online videos of exercises to correct and repair this issue I realize it can have some long term major issues down the road like back pain and hernia as well as digestive issues.  So its not just about getting rid of the forever mommy tummy its about getting my alignment and my core abdominal muscles working properly again so something else major doesn't happen.  Given my history during pregnancy and delivery - ask me sometime if you don't know what I am talking about - I feel this is important for me to correct for multiple reasons!
The website above has a test that you can do to see whether you have this issue.  I did the test and I have a pretty severe case of this.  I have a lot of repairing to do.  
So after lots of late nights not being able to sleep I have been researching different ways to repair this.  I found a 10 minute workout video that I will start doing each night before bed. As well as wearing a medical rehab splint as recommended.  I will be taking before, during, &  after pics which I most likely won't post til I see some progress.  My goal is to repair this before the end of the summer - before the girls and myself have to go back home without my husband.  Because I know I most likely won't get time to do this much after then.  I am encouraged by testimonies on other websites for women who claimed they had a severe case as well after multiple children - and doing the recommended core strengthening exercises (not crunches - no sit-ups they make it worse!!) - they have repaired their connective tissue and closed the gap that caused their tummy bulge!!!
I am very motivated by these success stories and I pray that I can be consistent as I do not want to have any issues down the road that would prevent me from taking care of my kids due to back pain or worse a hernia!
So if you think you might have this issue its not too late to repair the tissue between your abs to flatten your tummy.  Join me in this and do the research and test for yourself.  I will also be contacting my doctor to make sure that I am officially diagnosed with this issue but its very clear based on the test that I have it.  Stay tuned for updates as I go through this journey!

I know it doesn't seem like it but....

I do support and am proud of my husband and what he's doing for our family.  I may complain and vent from time to time, but deep down I know that all of this is going to have a wonderful pay out in the end.  Currently the immediate is the extra money coming in that is helping us save a bigger emergency fund and build up savings for finishing our basement one day.  So for that I am grateful.  I am thankful my husband has a good job and that I am blessed to stay home with my kids.  This is something we decided before we even got married that I would stay home with our kids.  So right away we started to adjust our finances and plan to live on one income and to save most of mine.  We used most of mine to aggressively pay off our cars in a decent time way before their term was due (I hate car payments).
I don't want my feeling free to vent to offend anyone or to make anyone think that I am not grateful for anything that I have in my life.  I just know that any other stay at home mom out there who has to go without her husband and partner in life for a long period of time or even short periods - is going to have some issues and get frustrated.  Is going to have melt downs- is going to get sick of her kids.  Especially if they are young and still around all day long - especially if they fight a lot when they are home.
I love being home with my kids.  I chose to do this.  I chose to give up my career (job) and I chose to be home with my kids.  So I guess you could say I should just suck it up and enjoy every minute right?  Because I DO know that there are those out there who would love to be home with their kids.  Every situation is different and I would appreciate it if you don't judge me based on your situation.  ANYONE when thrown into a single parent situation that has nothing but 5year olds and younger to talk to during the day and evening - to interact with - is going to get over whelmed.  I could turn to you and say - well at least you get to be out of the house - at least you get adult interaction.  I could have adult interaction if I wanted to work outside the home.  But again I chose to be home with my children.  To each their own.  Everyone's situation is different not one situation should seem easier than another's because we don't all know what each other go through-- we aren't there.
I am not going to say that if you work and also have to be alone with your kids once you get home that it isn't just as hard?  I know it is.  Its lonely and I will say it again - I do have a new found respect and compassion for single moms and moms with military spouses.  I mean at least I get to talk to my husband.  Some wives don't even get to communicate with them.  And for THAT I am grateful.  For that I am blessed.  I don't want to get into a debate with anyone.  Maybe I should chose a different way to let out my feelings than to put it out there on the internet.  I guess I just thought maybe if I got a little sympathy I would feel better?  But what I really should be doing is venting to the ONE who truly cares for me unconditionally and I know for a fact has missed me this week - maybe that's why its been so hard lately?  I have neglected my time with God.  Its probably because ANY time I get alone to myself I chose to shower or unload the dishwasher or catch up on bills and receipts or folding laundry...I should be spending that time praying to God to give me strength throughout my day and to give me patience with my kids - and to allow for quiet alone time in my day where I can renew myself - where I can gather my thoughts and get my sanity back so I can be the mom my girls need me to be.  They don't need a mom who is tired and constantly frustrated all day long and all evening long.  They need a mom who's priority is to love them and take care of them. Period.  I am that mom - they have no one else - especially because their daddy isn't here.  I have to remember I am not the only one missing him.  And even more their daddy misses them.  I need to remind myself that at least I GET to be around 3 little pieces of him and where he's at he has no one.  No warm body to remind him of his family.  So when I am getting frustrated and upset I need to pray and ask God to remind me of the blessings of my situation.  I need to not forget what all He has given me already.  I look at this blog and I can't believe its been 2 months since I last wrote.  Its been 3 months tomorrow since he left and looking back it seems to have gone fast - just don't ask or tell me that when I am having a bad day ;-)
I don't really know what I want to accomplish writing this.  I just know that for me today was a bad day.  And YES it was because Lily didn't have school.  And for some strange reason when that happens Charlee is a different person and they fight and fuss and whine and complain and tattle ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!  It does drive one crazy so YES I appreciate school because that is the format that Lily thrives in and when she's at school getting her groove on Charlee is a sweet independent little angel who does not scream at me and willingly takes naps and is fun to be around.  I enjoy my time with her and my day goes so much smoother when my kids get breaks from each other.  Its healthy for them its healthy for me.  THEY need a change in who they interact with too.
Well I think that's enough rattling of feathers for now.  Those of you that know me know my heart and understand what I am going through and I know are praying for me and I appreciate that.
I know it doesn't seem like it at times but I am thankful, blessed, proud, and happy to be a stay-at-home mom even now when I get no breaks and am missing my best friend so much that even as I type this I just want to curl up and cry because I ache for him.  I know it doesn't seem like it but I know I'm not perfect and I know I am not entitled to a trial free life.  But this last year has been an interesting one for sure.  One I am sure I will look back on one day and say "that's when I grew" "that's when I found myself" "that's when I truly appreciated my husband and my family"----nite all....please don't hate me.....for being real.

I'll take snoring and my bed is too big

Ive been recommended on 2 separate occasions that I should journal during this season of life that we are in.  So here we go.  I am going to be transparent here which may translate to whining to some people depending on how well you know me or not.  This is my heart.   Its that simple.
Two things I have come to find since Ryan started in Florida are that I'll take his snoring back any day if it means having him here beside me at night.  And that my bed now seems too big.  We had been talking about getting a new bed and mattress and upgrading to a king so we could have more room or in other words more space between us - now I'd give anything to just have him in the space next to me.  It certainly has made me realize all the things I miss that I never thought I would.  Made me realize what I have taken for granted.  I just miss him.  His presence next to me and with me in our home.
I have said now that I don't like doing life without him.  I don't like watching any of our shows now because it just doesn't seem right without him.  As I type this I wonder if I left out the first few sentences if someone reading this would think that my spouse had died.  Thats kind of what this feels like.  I feel like I am grieving a loss when he leaves.  I have to go through it with my girls - have to hear them say they miss their daddy.  It doesn't make this any easier.
I am not trying to complain but lately I have been wondering if we made the right decision.  If my motives for agreeing to letting him go were in vain - selfish because I was thinking of the extra money --which has been nice.  But I'd take a paycut now if it meant he could stay here.  Its harder than I thought it was going to be.  I am praying that we did make the right decision and that God would reveal that to us clearly instead of what I can assume is Satan attacking us making us think we aren't in God's will with this job.  I don't know.  I would give to know that right now.  I would love to have a peace about this season of life we have agreed to put our family thru.  2 days home is not enough.  Its enough to make real what I am missing so deeply - and then to take it away again.  It hurts to say goodbye.  And now that we've done it twice I don't see it getting any easier.
I joke with Ryan that he should stop being so great so it wouldn't be so hard on me to have him gone.  Truth is I am spoiled and that's why this is so hard.  I truly married my best friend and true partner in life.  And when he's not here I do feel like things aren't right and that my life seems to fall apart and I break --I crack under the pressure.  We became 1 when we got married and when 1 is divided you get a fraction of a whole - I look at that as that I cant fully function without him by my side.  I just miss him.  As I type these words I am fighting back tears because its so fresh today - he left this morning.  I didn't want to let go.  It wasn't enough time.
The alternatives aren't as easy as just us all packing up and heading down there.  Too many things here that I still need to function.  Family, friends, child friendly living situation.  Plus I don't want Lily to miss out on finishing up kindergarten.   Plus the current living arrangement in florida would not be enough room for us.  Ryan will get a bigger place starting in April.  So we'll see how things are then if we should consider taking Lily out of school to go be with daddy.  I just don't want to get down there and then miss things here.  Its a tough road.  I just pray that its the road we are supposed to be taking and that it wont mess our kids up with all the instability.  We've had so much change this year with selling our old house living with Ryan's parents bringing home a new baby and now this.  This by far is my worst season of life.  I'd take all the other ones back over this.
Ok thats enough for now.  If you are reading this and you pray please pray for me.  I need it each and every day.  I need grace with my kids.  Patience to get thru this.  I just wish I knew for sure how long it was going to be.  But its kinda just like life and trials we go through we never know how long God wants us to go through them or how long its going to take for us to learn what he wants us to from it. So I will keep on trusting Him with this --but that doesn't mean its going to be easy or that it doesn't hurt.

Preparing for my biggest challenge as a Mommy

A couple weeks ago we found out that Ryan would need to take a job in Florida for 7-9 Months.  It was presented as a decision we got to make but really we feel like we have no choice right now.  The market in Kansas City is down and there are no jobs for Ryan to go to as a Superintendent.   But there is one in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.  A hospital on the base there.  After considering the options we really felt this would be the best thing for him right now.  Because who knows if down the road they would be forcing him to take a position in a worse place or for longer than 7 months.  The incentives are that he gets a company truck and a decent per diem allowance to cover all his expenses.

Our plan right now is for Ryan to go to Florida by himself until Lily finishes school then we would join him for the Summer for 2 months and hopefully the project will be done by then.  We also plan to spend Lily's Spring Break there.  We hope to drive with the help of my parents so that Ryan doesn't have to fly home to drive us down then drive us back and fly back.  I really don't feel like flying with 2 Kids and an Infant by myself either.  Ryan is supposed to be able to fly home every 2 weekends as well with a weekend including Fridays and flying home Sunday afternoon/evenings.  Hopefully that will work out because 2 weeks without seeing him is going to be hard enough.  Looking at the calendar we've figured he can be home for all the important dates like Valentines, Our Anniversary, Lily's Birthday, and Charlee's Birthday.  Then we'd spend my birthday with him during Spring Break.

This presents a challenge for me to trust God in giving me the patience I need to survive without Ryan.  I've always said I am not one of those mom's who can do it all without the help of her husband.  Not one of those mom's who could handle her husband being away for long periods at a time.  I guess now I will get to test that fear and will need to rely on God and family and friends to help me through what I believe will be my hardest season of life yet.  I spend my days looking forward to when Ryan gets home from work and I get to have a little break and help around the house.  Now I am going to have to wait 2 weeks for that.  I am going to be without my best friend each night to watch TV with.  What am I going to do after I put the girls to bed?  Normally we get a snack and settle in and watch our recorded shows.  Something we both look forward to doing.  I will miss that.  But that may turn into my time to get stuff done around the house that won't get done otherwise during the day.  Probably best to keep myself busy so I don't sit and dwell on how alone I am going to feel.  

This week since we got confirmation that he will be leaving January 6th - I am realizing all the wonderful things he does to help me around the house and in taking care of my girls.  I think bedtime is going to be the hardest for me.  He's so good at getting them to get ready for bed and reading a story to them while I feed Rylee and get her ready for bed.  Its going to make our night time routine take longer for sure.  I just pray for patience during these times that I don't lose my temper with them as I know I can so easily.

I am just amazed at the timing of all of this.  After spending 6 months at Ryan's parents, pregnant, waiting for our house to be built - this after a 2 year process of getting our old house sold, and finally moving in and having less than 3 weeks to get settled before Rylee's birth.  Spending a week total in the hospital for high blood pressure and recovery.  We finally start to feel settled about 2 weeks ago when we got to pull Ryan's truck in the garage.  Life was finally feeling like we would start to just live our lives and just be a normal family.....then we get this news.  Really??  Now???  Why God?  I just don't get it.  But I don't think I am supposed to right now.  I know this will be a good thing for Ryan and his career.  This could potentially be a very good thing for us financially when its all done.  I am trusting God that his perfect plan and timing is all over this one.  I pray it goes FAST!  Especially these next 2 months of winter.  I pray that snow isn't bad as I will have to figure a way to get my driveway shoveled if it snows a lot.  Lots of things are coming to mind that Ryan did for me that I won't have done once he's gone.  Little things like replacing my windshield wiper blades, putting air in my tires, mowing the grass, shoveling the driveway, lifting heavy boxes, putting the trash out, checking the house out when I hear a funny noise, getting up when we hear one of the girls get out of bed at night, and mostly just being my companion and TV buddy at night.  I realized the other night even though we were laying there without talking just watching TV that I would miss him so much during our TV shows.  Just him being beside me is comforting.  I hope I am not making anyone uncomfortable but I am just sharing my heart that its going to feel very lonely for me at night.  I just hope I don't go crazy and have emotional break downs each night.  I pray I am able to sleep without him beside me.

The most we've ever been apart was a week at time and that was when we were dating and we were at different schools.  And even then it wasn't a full week it was just Monday through Friday that we didn't see each other because we both came home on the weekends.  And then we didn't have 3 kids.  And lets not even get started on how much they are going to miss their daddy.  Last night Lily asked him if he was going to come home from work today or if he was going to be in Florida.  I know that had to break his heart as it will mine when I know the girls are going to ache from missing their daddy.  They have a pretty amazing, sweet, compassionate daddy who loves them very much and will miss interacting with them and loving on them.  This will be hard on him too.  We hope to be able to face-time or Skype daily so they can talk to him.  I just hope its enough to get us through the 2 weeks without him.  Its going to have to be.

Some people may think this is no big deal but when you are a stay-at-home mom its even harder.  My sane time was when Ryan was home with us - especially on the weekends when I felt I got a little time to myself and I get a break from some of the responsibility.  Ryan enjoys spending time with and taking care of our girls and for that I am very grateful.  I know not many dads out there are like that and that's why its a big deal to me because I will feel a difference when he's gone.  No more sleeping in for me on Saturdays while he's up with the girls.  Sunday mornings will seem more rushed because he wont be here to get them ready and take them to church with him when he goes early for Worship Team.  Getting anywhere is going to take twice as long.  I already feel like I am late to everything and its only going to get worse.  I don't want to complain I am just realizing how much I need and rely on him each and every single day and its going to take strength from God to get me through each day.  I will have a new respect for single moms after this experience for sure and mom's of military husbands.  Mom's with husbands who travel for work all the time.  I commend them and will be in prayer for them as well during this time and hopefully something will continue to pray about after this is all over.

Its only for a short season and could be a lot worse.  But it doesn't mean it isn't going to be tough to go thru.   Thanks for reading and thanks for praying for me- those of you that know me.

19 Weeks, Another Girl, 100 Days

Well about 3.5 weeks ago we found out we are having another girl!  I will be honest I was a little shocked and upset at the thought that we would not be adding a boy to our family.  You can judge all you want but any mom of the same sex would have to agree with me.  In a way you "mourn" the idea of having at least one of each.  I had to grieve the idea of having a boy since this baby will be our last.  Now that some time has passed and we are FINALLY set on a name I am excited about the idea of 3 princesses living in our house.  The slumber parties and them getting to play Cinderella and the step sisters as Lily would say (She would be Cinderella of course!)
We are also 100 Days out on closing on our new house.  We close just 18-25 Days before our sweet girl will get here.  This depends on whether I go at 36 weeks or 37 weeks.  Hoping she gives us another week to get somewhat settled into the new house before we bring her home.
I am patiently (maybe if I say that the feeling will actually come over me) waiting for the opportunity to set our interest rate and finalize what our payment will look like.  I am trying my best not to worry about it and to trust that God has the perfect plan for our finances with regards to this blessing we have in building our dream home.  He WILL take care of us and I should not worry.  It has been fun watching the progress happen at our house.  We finalized our exterior paint and stone colors and now we just need to get the developer to approve the paint choice.  Next we will need to decide on floor and tile.  This week they will hopefully put shingles on our roof and maybe start putting in the windows. Then it won't matter how often it rains!  So ready to be settled and to start having some normalcy.
Its hard to not want to start nesting when I have no where to nest.  No where to put anything that I'd like to start stocking up on.  I am even a little nervous about buying winter clothes since I don't know if she will need premie clothes like Lily did or if she will need newborn.  I guess we'd be safe with newborn because she would wear them eventually but then we'd still need something she can wear right away.
My next OB appointment is next friday and I will be 20 weeks.  I think she will start measuring my belly to see if I am measuring ahead or not. So far both recent ultrasounds has revealed a slightly larger baby which is good since I will be going early.  Just praying for a smooth next 16-17 weeks and no bedrest!!!  Here are some images of our sweet girl.  The 3D image is from yesterday 19weeks and the rest were from 15weeks 5Days.

13 weeks, 12 weeks- heart rate

So I looked back at my old blogs from my pregnancy with Charlee because I couldn't remember when I started feeling her move.  I thought 13 weeks was pretty early but I guess with her I felt the same way and probably felt her about then too.  Nothing real definite yet just certain moments where I'm like it could be but it's probably just an air bubble or gas or something.

So far I feel pretty good for the most part.  My cravings have varied from month to month.  I was needing Taco Bell or Goodcents every other day and about 3 weeks ago that stopped.  Now I want sherbet icecream at night and nothing food wise really gets me excited.

I've been eating chicken noodle soup for lunch because that's the only thing that sounds good.  Although, as I am typing this I did realize that I have wanted hot dogs or corndogs a lot too -- just in the last couple weeks.  So strange!

I have only made myself coffee in the morning a couple times and that was right after I found out I was pregnant and now I pretty much don't want it at all unless I am at church or someone else makes it for me.  Again strange.  All this makes me feel like I am having a boy because I drank coffee with both my girls.  I have had an aversion to ranch for about 6 weeks now too.

Last week at my 12 week appt I heard the heartbeat which was 170.  Dr ray said girl but Bekah told me that Graham was at 170 at this point too.  So we'll see!!  I think since my pre pregnancy weight I have gained about 3 lbs but the appt they got my first weight from was when I was sick with an awful sore throat and wasn't eating anything.

I started showing like the next week after we found out but I don't feel like I have gotten much bigger since then which is nice. 

Well that's it for now.

3rd Times Charm (hopefully ;-) )

Funny that the last post I made on here was about us getting ready to list our home for sale by owner - 13 months ago.  Now here we are living with Ryan's parents for almost a week now and waiting for our home to be finished 8/31/2013.  If you would have asked me about 4 months ago that we'd be in this position right now I don't know that I would have believed you.  That's because 4 months ago we hadn't sold our home yet and I was starting to get a little depressed about that and the fact that we hadn't heard anything about our possible move to North Dakota.
We found out in July 2012 that Ryan was going to take a job for a promotion that required us to move temporarily for 14-16 months starting this April.  This month that is.  At first we were actually excited about the adventure but as time went on it started to seem like it wasn't going to happen and I got frustrated that we had still not heard anything.  We basically put our lives on hold because of this news.
But God evidently knew better than I did that something much better was planned for us.  I just needed to be patient and to trust in Him.
This trust didn't come easy.  It came with a lot of prayer, tears, maybe a little depression, and finally relinquishing control over to God with the sale of our home and with our future of growing our family. We decided we were going to live life like we are staying in Spring Hill until we heard otherwise.  We decided to list our home with a realtor and before I could even think about that we got a phone call from the agent that represents Prairie Ridge subdivision where we have our lot reserved.  Turns out our lot reservation had expired and we were working to get it renewed and he wanted to check and make sure we were still interested in building there.  By the end of the conversation I knew he was the guy to sell our home for us.  He was very motivated because he knew that once he sold our house we would be buying a house in his subdivision.  So for him it was a win win and he was even willing to discount his commission to make the money work for us.  So by the last week in January we were up and running on the MLS!!  And during this time we finally heard that the North Dakota project was not going to use Ryan after all!!  What awesome news!   And confirmation of our steps of faith in living our lives like we already knew this news.  God is good!
After 3 days we had a showing that resulting in a 2nd showing and then an offer.  We accepted it - despite our feelings about where it left us compared to what we paid for our house originally - but we had an offer and our home was sold.  This peace about our situation was worth the not so super offer.
So we started packing and had our inspection which resulted in us putting in a Radon kit and we made it through the appraisal.  But 35 days into the 60 day closing period we were hit with a bomb - a denial for our buyers.  I immediately just ached and cried and did not even know what to think!  What are we going to do?  We just put $10,000 down on our lot to have our builder start building our home while we waited til closing.  And now no deal and we have to re-stage our home that I had just taken curtains down and photos/art off the walls.  I decided to take a break and I prayed- cried out to God.  As much as I was angry and confused I prayed aloud through tears for God to give me answers to give me a peace about what was happening and to help me to trust that He had a better plan for us.  And later that evening I had felt God's peace about the whole situation and was ready to move on and get our house back on the market.  This was a Friday.  By Monday we got our canceled contract from the buyers and we were back active on the MLS.  This was Monday March 4th.  We had several showings and a second showing to someone who liked our home but had a home to sell.  Then Spring break came along and we thought we'd get no traffic but it was the beginning of our craziest week yet!
The week of my birthday March 24th-29th we had a showing everyday and a couple days we had 2 showings.  By Thursday we had gotten an offer that we countered and then Friday morning we got another offer that was too good to pass up.
The buyer wanted our house in 2 weeks and was paying cash for the home!  We could not believe it!  I just knew God had a plan for us and it felt so good to trust Him through the process and to really sit back and watch Him work.  Friday March 29th was also the same day we got to see our baby and hear the heartbeat for the first time.  We were 7 weeks pregnant and got the best news the same day about our house!  We were in for a crazy week ahead, but this time it was going to be final.  This was the deal.  And with this deal we came out $6K ahead of our original offer and we are only 2 weeks off our original time line to be moved out.   God is so good!  It feels so good to trust Him and to look back and see how He orchestrated this whole thing perfectly.  Teaching me to trust Him and accept His peace during the process.  Especially since I am pregnant and the last thing I needed would have been the stress of what are we going to do because our buyer fell through.
So now we wait.  We wait as they will hopefully start digging our house this weekend or early next week.  Wait as we can't wait to know what we are having!   Both the girls want a baby brother but we have said that God is the one that decides which is best for us.  Its hard not to say we are kinda pulling for a boy.  Because that would certainly be the last piece to fall into place for us.  But either way all we really want is a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Can't wait to find out!!
I think that's about it for now.  Hopefully my next update won't be so long from now!!

For Sale By Owner

Well most everything is done that needs to get done to officially put our house on the market.  I still need to get with a title company - most likely Miami County Title.  That's who we closed with originally and the folder that housed our mortgage papers read "Jesus is the Answer!" - so I figured we can't go wrong there.
This weekend I hope to take some more photos of our master bedroom and the backyard/deck for my website.  We have listed on Craigs List and will be putting a sign in our yard this weekend too.  We hope to have an open house at some point this month.  Just not sure when yet!  I am completely trusting God with this one.  While I am anxious to move into the next chapter of our life - I want it to be right and in God's timing.

Click to view my home listing

And the Painting/Fixin' Begins!

Ok so last night Ryan started on the tile work in our shower.  This morning he was able to start the tile only to find that the box of tile we bought a month ago has 12 broken tiles in it!  So instead of getting the bathroom tile done he's now having to take an hour to go return and get new tile.  But hey that's what this stuff is all about right?  My dad came this morning and cut in the hallway by the girls rooms which will save a lot of time. He will be back tomorrow afternoon too.

I have some before shots of the bathroom and hallway that I have included below.

Day 1- Designing to Sell Our House

It was something that we figured would be inevitable one day even when we first built our house.  But at the same time while living here I always thought it was a long way off.  But now its here.  Its time to think about selling our house and getting a bigger one.  We are out-growing our house and are feeling the growing pains.  We want to have another kid at some point in the next year or 2 so we would need at least 1 more bedroom and more storage.  Right now no place to put clothes and toys that the kids grow out of.  So last week we started looking around Spring Hill for houses.  We kind of have an idea of what we want but a lot of things have to fall into place before we can make it happen.  First off we have been consulting God for wisdom in how best to go about this.  We know we need more space but we don't want to get carried away and get in over our head with things that we "want" but don't necessarily need.
Some things in our favor are the low interest rates.  We can get a lot more house for not much more than we are paying now on our house simply because the interest rates are lower.  However, the opposite side is that means we may not get out of our house what we would need to when we sell it so we can have a down payment on the next one.  Another thing in our favor is that Ryan is working close to home and will hopefully be around more as a result so we can start getting our house ready to sell.
So today I went and picked some paint colors at home depot so we can paint our Great Room, Entry, and upstairs hallway.  We will also be re-painting our master bathroom a nice neutral.  We figured not everyone would like our purple we have on the walls now.  Then I went and got some bathroom accessories to match on clearance/sale at Target - in the event after we paint that we would be showing it I'd like to have nice matching soap pumps- towels- rugs etc- which we do not have right now.  Something I always thought wasn't a priority because nobody sees our bathroom.  Well now people will want to go in and out of it so I am going to make it look nice.
We won't start painting til after the first of November until our new church building is done.  This would mean Ryan would be free on the weekend and we could hopefully knock it out in a Fri, Sat, Sun.- weekend project with the help of family- and sending the girls to Gram-ee's over the weekend.  But until we can paint Ryan started today on power washing our deck so that it looks like we have a cedar deck again!  Its amazing what a little water pressure will do to 5 1/2 year old wood that has been sitting outside.  Then we will be sealing it or staining it soon.
We also will be storing a lot of stuff so as to make the house not look so full and cluttered.  And I know that toys should not be visible if at all possible when showing.  This will be difficult because I stay at home and toys are out ALL day long.  But we are hoping that with a couple open houses that maybe we can narrow the window of when I would have to show it.  I would need plenty of notice before showing so I can clean!
We plan to start off selling it FOR SALE BY OWNER and seeing what happens.  Then our next option is to do a trade with a builder that we like and see what price we can come to on the house we want to build.  We'll see.  We will just trust God that if this is supposed to happen that He will lay it all out for us and open doors where we need them.  We figure what's the harm in trying?  The stuff we do to our house will only make it nicer and were things we had planned on doing at some point and in a way now they are ACTUALLY getting done!

So stay tuned for updates on our Design-to-Sell our house!  Its exciting but at the same time I feel totally at the mercy of what God would have us to do.  We want to be good stewards for what he has blessed us with.  Ultimately I would like for this next house to be "it" for us and that we could grow old in it and not have to move again.

Could this be the day????

So I almost hesitate to even write about this because I fear it will all come back.  With regards to potty training these last 4 months.  I hope that today was a HUGE milestone for Lily.  Let me first start with if you don't like to read about pee pee and poopy please just stop reading now.  I've learned that since becoming a Mommy its inevitable that you will talk about peeing or pooping with regards to your children on a daily basis.  It almost always comes into the conversation.  Its simply a part of being a parent. That being said.  Lily has been pee pee trained (for the most part) for the last month or so with the exception of going when we are away from home.  Which she is getting better at as of this past week.   For the first couple months she has gone really good at home and at places she's familiar like Grandparents' houses.  Only recently, as in the last week or 2, has she gone when we are away from the house like the Doctor's office, Target, and Church.  Not for lack of throwing a fit mind you.  It finally took her doctor telling me that she's past the point of it being "up to her" to learn and train. She's (Lily) where she knows what she's doing and is the one in control.  Dr. Ray said that WE need to be the ones in control now and to turn her little fits and "I don't need/want to go potty Mommy" into--No you are going potty and you are going here right now.  Now don't get me wrong please, in the beginning this is not the way to approach potty training.  My doctor only suggested this because she's past the point of the early training and is now into the stage where she could develop bad habits that we need to end now.  So she suggested that instead of letting her "get away with" not having to go potty by yelling and telling me she doesn't need to go when I KNOW she needs to.  So we'd just let her tell us that and we'd stop making her go.  So she's learned that this works with Mommy and Daddy.  She thinks all I have to do is throw a fit and they won't make me go.  Then she just would wet her pants.  So Dr. Ray suggested the next time we are out  that if she acts like she needs to go that we need to MAKE her go by giving her 2 choices.  One, if she can go potty where we are on her portable Dora potty seat, or two, she can put a diaper back on.  Lily now does not like diapers and is VERY fond of her princess and various big girl pants so I knew that would work.  After talking to Dr. Ray about it, Lily immediately wanted to go potty so, much to my surprise, she went in the potty at the Dr's office!  I was so stunned and proud!  She got to pick from one of the big stickers and they sent me home with some that I could use to give her when she would go while we are out somewhere other than home.  I am so glad she didn't fight me.  Then last weekend we were at Target and she had to go.  I am so thankful they had a family restroom at this Target because I knew she'd be crawling under the door at a regular one.   She screamed and cried at first, but I just kept telling her its just like the doctors office and that I had a sticker waiting for her.  So I held her on the potty while she cried and we counted to 30.  (another thing I've started doing when she says she doesn't need to go, but I want her to at least try).  She almost ALWAYS goes by the time I get to 15 and she forgets she's upset because she starts counting with me.  So when she went in the potty I started clapping as I finished counting and I told her how proud I was of her.  By now she was excited and happy she went!  We washed our hands and she ran out the door yelling that she had gone potty.  That night she wanted to wear the Dora sticker (from the doctor) on her jammies to bed too.  It was great!
Then this past Sunday I got her to go at Church in between services.  Course she cried again but didn't fight me near as bad and didn't crawl under the stall.  The counting worked again this time.  I have found that creating things that are familiar to her has helped.  By counting she forgets where she's at and now has a "routine" we do when we are out.  I was so proud of her!
Now Monday I thought we hit a big milestone, but it ended up being one step forward two steps back.  She pooped in the potty at home after telling me she needed to go but then later on she pooped her pants while in her room for her nap.  I was so excited that Monday would be THE day....which is why I hesitate to say that TODAY is the day but, I feel if I have high expectations for her maybe that will help.
Last night I went to Target and bought Lily 2 packs of princess big girl pants.  7 Repunzel (tangled) and 7 Little Mermaid.  Two kinds she does not have already.  I decided that each time she'd go poopy on the potty I'd let her pick a new pair of princess pants to wear.  So today we were at my friend Steph's house playing with her kids outside and Lily comes to me in the middle of playing to tell me that she needs to go potty....that she needed to go POOPY!!!  She RARELY if EVER has told me this especially while in the middle of PLAYING, while OUTSIDE, at SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE!!!  And she went!  She was excited about it too!  I was still in shock.  So I showed her the new princess pants and told her that she could pick one of them each time she pooped in the potty.  She was pretty excited about this.  I am hoping and praying that TODAY is the day that she decides to only put her poopy in the potty and not in her pants.  I feel like we've tried everything.  From buying her toys in the beginning when she pooped the very first time in the potty, to giving her 2 stickers and 2 pieces of candy, to giving her cookies w/ sprinkles on them, to now the princess pants.  I have learned so patience so much through all of this.  Whoever said girls were easier to train has not worked with Lily, my VERY smart and independent little girl.  I pray that Charlee is easier and that Lily will train her.  I've often joked that Charlee would end up training Lily because at times I have feared that she would never get it that she would never go away from home and that I would always have to carry extra underwear and pants with me everywhere we went. But I am seeing hope now.  Seeing a light at the end of this 4 month long tunnel.  My goal is to have her going poopy in the potty and going places other than home before we leave for San Diego in 2 months.  That is my prayer.  I give it to God because only He can help me through this and give me the patience to endure the clean-up.   To God be the Glory.

I'd like to remember this

There are so many things that Lily says now that I tell myself, "I need to write that down because I'd like to remember that", but then I don't.  I think its because I am terrible at at writing stuff down, but I think I can blog it when I hear things so I am going to try to do that more now.

Lily after falling and "hurting" herself:
Daddy: "are you hurt what did you hurt?"
Lily:  " my princess jamies "

Lily after falling out of her high chair when climbing out:
Daddy:  "what did you hurt?"
Lily:  "my chair"

This is all I can think of for now.  'Til next time.  I hope I have more of these because she is just so funny these days.

Potty Training, God is Good!

WOW it has been awhile since I have updated my blog!
I will try to make this quick.
Last Monday January 17th we started potty training Lily because she said she wanted to go potty and she actually went on it!!!  This has never happened!  She had sat on it numerous times and never went.  So I let her have candy and we made a big deal about it.  From that point on we said no more diapers!  So we started using training underwear and pull-ups during sleepy time.  She went one more time on Monday but then Tuesday she wasn't as successful because I wasn't able to be home with her all day because I had to work.  Then Wednesday was just awful!  She pooped in her underwear after we had been sitting on the potty for over an hour.  I felt like we spent all day in the potty and she only went once.  In addition to this frustration I was feeling bad because I felt I had been neglecting Charlee.  Spending hours in the bathroom meant leaving her in the bouncer and only really interacting with her when I nurse and feed her. When I got Lily down for her nap I was rocking Charlee just bawling about to give up when I felt overcome and I started to pray.    I prayed out-loud to God in tears just pleading for wisdom and patience to follow through with training her and to not give up on her.   I was determined to not go back to diapers, but I realized I could not be patient with her in my own strength.  I needed God's help for that.  Because as most people or maybe just Ryan know I am not very patient when it comes to stuff like this.  I wanted her to just get it.  She is SOOOOOO smart and I knew she could do it, but after Wednesday I was really questioning whether she was ready.  Thursday morning went ok but starting Thursday night into Friday she really started doing better.  Friday she pooped in the potty!!! I was so excited and shocked at the same time!  I figured it would be awhile before she was ready to do that.  But she did.  So Friday when Ryan got off work we went to Target and bought her some dresses that went with her Belle Beauty and the Beast doll.  We left he house for over an hour and Lily stayed dry the whole time.  We were so proud of her.  Saturday went well and Ryan got a chance to work with Lily.  I think it was important for him to be with her so she could be just as comfortable going with him as she was with me.  If there's one thing we've learned about Lily she is very much about routine and sources of comfort.  Anything out of her daily routine just throws her off.  I feel that consistency and staying home has been key in this process.  And most of all PATIENCE and WISDOM to not give up on her.  BELIEVING in her.  And it has paid off so far.  God is so good!  I definitely felt his presence this past weekend as I had more patience with her than I have had in a long time.  I know God was working and I felt the prayers working.  Lily has done so well in only a week!  Today she has already started telling me she needs to go and then she actually does!
God is so good....God is so good....God is so good... He's so good to me!

Adjusting to TWO, Ryan’s Job, Expenses

So no one told me it would be easy and I never thought it would be, but it seems like this summer hit me pretty hard.   First we had to fork over $6800 for a new AC/Heat Pump and that was before Charlee even got here.  Then Ryan went back to work and started working Saturdays and late almost every night if not every other at least not getting home til 7pm or even 8pm some nights.  Then he’s gone Sunday mornings for Worship team.  Needless to say I was feeling the burn of some “single parenthood” right after bringing home a new baby.  Adjusting to having 2 has been hard for me.  I think its mainly all timing of everything though.  If Lily wasn’t entering her “terrible 2’s” and if Ryan’s job wasn’t so crazy and if we didn’t have to fork out almost $7K while still trying to pay medical bills…it wouldn’t seem so overwhelming would it?  I guess I will never know. 

When did life get so overwhelming?  I have to at least say that the last 5 years we have had it pretty good.  God has blessed our marriage since the beginning.  We have never really had any issues financially or with anything else really.  So now is the time I guess for God to be testing me.  However, I already felt like He tested me with my pregnancy by putting me on bed rest for the last month.  Now its patience in dealing with my sweet 2 year old who definitely knows how to push mommy’s buttons and patience in being content with Ryan’s job.  I want to be able to say “oh I need to just be thankful he has a job and that he enjoys it”  sure easy enough.  I am THANKFUL.  But that doesn’t mean that it still isn’t hard on me.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him when he’s gone or that I just long to be able to have a Saturday together as a family.  I do.  And I think I am entitled to feel this way after just having a baby.  My emotions have definitely gotten the better of me this summer.  Sometimes I don’t even know why I am crying.  Just being overwhelmed at times.  God tells me “HEY” you need to slow down and just breathe ME in!  And that has been my life line.  I had sorta set aside my personal quiet time right after Charlee was born and I don’t doubt that by not spending time in the word and not spending time in prayer it made my struggle even worse.  So the last 3 weeks I have been doing it every morning after feeding Charlee at 5 or 6am before I go back to sleep.  And let me tell you it has made a huge difference to my day!  Imagine that!  I knew it would.  I just needed to get in the habit of doing it again and making it a priority. 

Life seems to be settling down again.  Ryan had this past Saturday off and we enjoyed time together as a family then got to spend time just us.  I will never again think about Saturdays home with the family the same way again.  The time is precious.  I am sure that God longs to be with me the way that I long to have Ryan home and time together as a family.  Wow but what a way to give a girl a wake up call!  I hear ya!  Loud and clear.  Thank you Jesus! 

Now its just the waiting game again.  Waiting to hear either this week or next week where JE Dunn will be sending Ryan next.  I pray that its close to home.  Really anywhere would have to be closer than Warrensburg at this point.  But ultimately I pray that Ryan will enjoy his next project and that it won’t take away anymore of his time with his family.  Because I am sure he’s sick of hearing how tired I am of him coming home late.  I know its not his fault but sometimes a girl just has to VENT!  And that’s kinda what I am doing now too I guess.  So thanks for listening….er reading!

Charlee's Arrival- Summer- Trusting God

Well it has been awhile since I have written an update.  Obviously because Charlee was born and I haven't had much time to get on the computer.
I wanted to tell a brief story of how she got here.
Sunday May 23rd I started having mild contractions in the afternoon and they progressed to the point that I did end up calling my doctor.  They were 8-12 minutes apart and lasting about 20 sec.  I was told to call when I had more than 4 in an hour.  She advised that I take a warm bath which actually did help but as soon as I got out they came back.  Thankfully they didn't happen all night.  But they did start back up Monday (24th) morning so I called back and she had me go ahead and make an appointment to come see her.  They hooked me up to the non-stress test machine and tracked my contractions.  They were showing as mild and I was not dialated so she sent me home with "pre-labor" contractions that I would just have to deal with til my C-section the next morning.
As Monday went on into the evening the contractions got worse.  In fact from about 8pm on they were pretty intense and after midnight they became closer together and longer.  I wasn't able to sleep at all and about 2am I decided it was time to go to the hospital because they were every 3-5 minutes apart and lasting for over a minute each.  So I showered and we got everything in the van and Ryan's dad came to be with Lily so we could head to the hospital.  I had strong contractions the whole way to the hospital.  It was about 3:15am once we got there.  They hooked me up to the machines and started a fluid IV to see if they could slow them down.  I was fine waiting til 7:30am for the C-section as long as they could give me something for the pain until then.  After about an hour or so the fluids were not working so they called the on-call surgeon which happened to be the doctor that did my c-section with Lily.  I am certain this was God's doing.  At 5am they decided to go ahead and do the c-section at 5:30am.  They quickly got me prepped and gave me my spinal block which didn't hurt hardly at all.  This time around was strange to be so alert and not in pain while they got me ready for the surgery.  As soon as the meds kicked in I no longer felt my contractions.  My doctor arrived and they started the surgery on time.  However, there was something unusual about my surgery, according to the doctors and nurses.  Without going into too much detail about it.  My intestines were not where they were supposed to be and they had adhered to my uterus.  So to get Charlee out they had to detach them and rearrange them where they were supposed to go.  The doctors said they had never seen anything like this before.  And with that there would be a greater risk for an illeus like last time.  In order to prevent further issues down the road they had to do this and they put a cheese cloth between my uterus and my intestines to prevent them from adhering again.  Charlee was then born at 5:49am.   Weighing in at 7 lbs 11.8 oz and 19.5 inches long.  Perfectly healthy!  I am so thankful that we had the surgeon we did because the lady that we were supposed to have apparently was worried after hearing about my post-op 2 week illeus after my first c-section.  Not exactly what you want to hear from someone who would be doing major surgery on you.
After the surgery everything went well I was able to go home on time without any issues and I have not had any issues since then.   Praise the Lord!
Charlee has since passed her birth weight weighing in at 7 lbs. 15 oz on Tuesday.  I sure wish her belly button stump would fall off so I can do her newborn pics and Lily's 2 year portraits.  Hopefully this week.

As far as this summer goes.  I am trying to stay positive and not complain about the fact that Ryan is most likely going to be working every Saturday through the middle of August.  I know I should be thankful he has a job and that he will be getting overtime which will help pay for the new air conditioner/heat pump we just had to buy.  But when will we get to do stuff together as a family?  When will we get to go swimming?  Or to the Zoo?  I guess we will have to wait til August.  I just am sad because this means he will not get as much time with Charlee as I know he would like.  But God is good and I know that we are blessed by Him by Ryan getting this job.  And who knows maybe his reward for driving that far and working that much will be that his next job will be closer to home.  Like maybe a 30 minute or less drive!  That would be my prayer but I know we should just be thankful that he has work and that he will have a job to move to once this project is complete.  God give me patience and understanding!

Lady in Waiting

So as much as I don't want to admit it I am fairly certain that we will be going to 39 Weeks.  After this week's tests and blood pressure check I am fairly certain that I am not preeclamptic this time around.  Which is a good thing.  It actually gives us hope for the next pregnancy which we were unsure about.  I think a lot of what has happened with my blood pressure this pregnancy has been "worry" induced because of what happened with my first pregnancy (emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe preeclampsia).  That being said I am encouraged that with me not having it this pregnancy that our chances will be even less in the next pregnancy.  Because I wasn't ready to say this is it for us.  I'd like to at least try for a boy next.  Now we may wait longer than having them 2 years apart.  Like maybe waiting til Charlee is out of diapers before we have another one.  That would make things easier if I am to be put on bed rest again for any reason.
So I am operating on the assumption that I have 2 more weeks of bed rest until little Charlee's arrival.  Some things that make me sad about this are that now I won't be having another little baby like Lily was.  But at least she will be healthy and full term.  We won't be able to participate in Life Spring's child dedication service Sunday May 23rd with my friends who had babies this past year.  I've had to miss out on family gatherings and will be missing out on more in the next coming weeks.  My recovery is now going to get pushed back which might prevent me from doing some things that I could if we had her this week.  Like I won't be able to swim this summer until July now.  But those are all just reasons, not good excuses for wishing this pregnancy be over.  I want her to get as much time as she needs in there and now I know that's what God has planned for us at this point.  There's a reason my protein wasn't high enough.  There's a reason my blood pressure couldn't get high enough yesterday at the doctor.  God does not want Charlee to be born yet.  And now that I have accepted that I know that He's in control and whatever complications can still happen at this point I know that He is in charge and not me.  And now I actually have time to read the books for our Women's Ministry book club this summer.  I wasn't sure if I'd have time to read the first one with Charlee arriving this week but now with 2 more weeks of bed rest I should be able to.  Currently Reading:

37 Weeks & Counting...

Well the test results weren't as high as we were hoping.  So no scheduled c-section for Friday.  But my doctor did say that if my blood pressure is high enough at my appointment tomorrow then we can plan to have the c-section done tomorrow and not mess around.
I know a lot of people have been telling me that its better to wait for her to stay in there longer but I am sure that if my doctor felt that needed to happen she wouldn't be willing to do this for us.  She knows my history and knows that Charlee has been doing really well on all the Non Stress Tests and the sonogram 2 weeks ago showed a large healthy baby.  I am full-term now so she most likely feels it is in my best interest to go ahead and deliver before anything else happens with me.  Especially since last time we caught the preeclamsia too late.  Now I do want to do what's best for Charlee and myself obviously.  But I completely trust my doctor's opinion because she knows me and she knows what my body can handle at this point.  My first c-section wasn't normal as in they had to make an extra incision to get Lily out.  This is also a concern at this point because with Charlee being so big she doesn't want my extra incision to cause problems the bigger she gets and the more stretched I become in that area.  So while I do want to do what is best for Charlee and to wait til she's "ready" to come out I also want to trust my doctor knows what's best for me and for the baby and that she would never do anything that wasn't going to be good for both of us at this point.
I'm just ready to be done with bed rest.  Ready to spend some quality time with Lily outside on nice days.  Ready to help around the house again.  Ready to sleep at night.  Ready to be done with the day to day worry about when she's going to get here.  I trust God with this pregnancy and have since the beginning.  If she is to arrive tomorrow then it will happen.  And if not then I guess we wait one more week and hope things don't get worse.  God, I know you are in control.  But a little plan would be nice sometimes ;-)