Bittersweet End

As I get depressed thinking about how our summer in Florida is now less than a month til it's over I am trying to focus on what I am looking forward to and what I miss about home in Kansas.  Trying not to think about going back into my worst fear zone with out my partner in life and best friend for another month or 2 possibly.  So here's a totally random list that I may continue to add to the rest of this month as we near the end of our Florida summer.  Again no particular order so don't get depressed if you aren't number one or judge me if something is above another.  It's random.  And don't read this that I am complaining about our life here because it's been perfect for our family and I am grateful for this home.

1. Leaving means it's closer to the whole thing being over

2. Rylee getting to play with toys her big sisters played with

3. My French door bottom freezer fridge

4. Morning coffee with my bestie

5. Getting to play in my new yard -ideas of planting and landscaping

6. My bed - my bed - with my fan

7. My big beautiful bathtub and shower with a seat!!!

8. A garage

9. Getting to use our new neighborhood pool!

10. Hanging out with our neighbors again and meeting new ones

11. Getting started on my new Mutu workout program to get my tummy back (don't have right equipment here.)

12. My kitchen- my beautiful kitchen

13. Getting to see my Charlee start preschool!

14.  Enjoying more one on one time with Rylee once school starts

15. Preparing for a garage sale (need to purge!)

16. Full access to all my shoes and clothes 

17. Our DVR - I hate live tv

18. The game show network - missing me some family feud!

19. My girls miss their cousins and grandparents

20. Eventually having a normal life in our new home that's almost a year old.

21. Getting back to my Avon business

22. Sunday lunch with my family

23. Walks thru our neighborhood looking at the new houses - our beautiful walking trail too!

24. My deep freeze.  I miss stocking up on things.

25.  Aldi - oh how I miss my simple grocery store!

26. Target being closer!  (Maybe this was a blessing in disguise?)

27. My efficient dryer!  No more starting it again!

28. My big pantry - again I like to stock up so I don't shop as often!

29. Maverick - yes I miss our dog!

30. Girls miss their scooters

31. Shorter church commute - seeing my church friends and having people to talk to

32. Working on hanging my canvas prints of my girls and other home decor.

33. My coffee mugs - the ones with pics

34. Quiet dishwasher

35. Thick insulated bedroom walls that keep Rylee asleep longer and the other 2!

36. Dark window treatments that block the light! ( I like it dark ok?!)

37. Girls having separate beds.  

38. Pull down shower head in the girls bathroom

39. Our comfy couch!

40. My printer!

Ok that's it for now - I want to read before the girls wake from their nap!

My Journey to heal my Diastasis Recti

So I have decided to not just accept the way my body looks after having a baby.  Oh great...you say...she's not happy with the body God has given her?  She needs to be thankful she had 3 beautiful girls and accept that the body afterwards is just part of it.   While I agree with that (the being thankful for having 3 kids and I am thankful for the body God gave me) I don't think I should just sit back and do nothing to try and get my body back into shape and I shouldn't just listen to what everyone thinks about me - when I am not comfortable in my own skin - and there's a good reason now!
Today I am sharing with you that I am glad that I started to research how to get rid of my mommy tummy.  Because like most women and moms out there I have the tendency to compare myself to other moms who have had kids - and their tummys have gone right back even to the point of being comfortable in a bikini - I look at my forever 4 month pregnant-looking tummy and think no way - no how!!  So after researching on pinterest and google - I have come to find that I actually have a condition that a lot of moms have after giving birth to multiple children in a short amount of time.  
I have diastasis recti - which is "A diastasis recti is a separation of your outer most abdominal muscles. The job of these muscles (called rectus abdominis), is to support your back and your organs." -definition and photo courtesy of this website

How do you know if you have a diastasis?

If you have a protruding (pregnant looking) belly OR your belly button is an outie OR you have a half football (alien like) bulge when you lift your shoulders off the ground, you most definitely have a diastasis! An umbilical hernia is a side effect of a diastasis recti.

So you are probably thinking ok - so what.  The more I read and watch online videos of exercises to correct and repair this issue I realize it can have some long term major issues down the road like back pain and hernia as well as digestive issues.  So its not just about getting rid of the forever mommy tummy its about getting my alignment and my core abdominal muscles working properly again so something else major doesn't happen.  Given my history during pregnancy and delivery - ask me sometime if you don't know what I am talking about - I feel this is important for me to correct for multiple reasons!
The website above has a test that you can do to see whether you have this issue.  I did the test and I have a pretty severe case of this.  I have a lot of repairing to do.  
So after lots of late nights not being able to sleep I have been researching different ways to repair this.  I found a 10 minute workout video that I will start doing each night before bed. As well as wearing a medical rehab splint as recommended.  I will be taking before, during, &  after pics which I most likely won't post til I see some progress.  My goal is to repair this before the end of the summer - before the girls and myself have to go back home without my husband.  Because I know I most likely won't get time to do this much after then.  I am encouraged by testimonies on other websites for women who claimed they had a severe case as well after multiple children - and doing the recommended core strengthening exercises (not crunches - no sit-ups they make it worse!!) - they have repaired their connective tissue and closed the gap that caused their tummy bulge!!!
I am very motivated by these success stories and I pray that I can be consistent as I do not want to have any issues down the road that would prevent me from taking care of my kids due to back pain or worse a hernia!
So if you think you might have this issue its not too late to repair the tissue between your abs to flatten your tummy.  Join me in this and do the research and test for yourself.  I will also be contacting my doctor to make sure that I am officially diagnosed with this issue but its very clear based on the test that I have it.  Stay tuned for updates as I go through this journey!

I know it doesn't seem like it but....

I do support and am proud of my husband and what he's doing for our family.  I may complain and vent from time to time, but deep down I know that all of this is going to have a wonderful pay out in the end.  Currently the immediate is the extra money coming in that is helping us save a bigger emergency fund and build up savings for finishing our basement one day.  So for that I am grateful.  I am thankful my husband has a good job and that I am blessed to stay home with my kids.  This is something we decided before we even got married that I would stay home with our kids.  So right away we started to adjust our finances and plan to live on one income and to save most of mine.  We used most of mine to aggressively pay off our cars in a decent time way before their term was due (I hate car payments).
I don't want my feeling free to vent to offend anyone or to make anyone think that I am not grateful for anything that I have in my life.  I just know that any other stay at home mom out there who has to go without her husband and partner in life for a long period of time or even short periods - is going to have some issues and get frustrated.  Is going to have melt downs- is going to get sick of her kids.  Especially if they are young and still around all day long - especially if they fight a lot when they are home.
I love being home with my kids.  I chose to do this.  I chose to give up my career (job) and I chose to be home with my kids.  So I guess you could say I should just suck it up and enjoy every minute right?  Because I DO know that there are those out there who would love to be home with their kids.  Every situation is different and I would appreciate it if you don't judge me based on your situation.  ANYONE when thrown into a single parent situation that has nothing but 5year olds and younger to talk to during the day and evening - to interact with - is going to get over whelmed.  I could turn to you and say - well at least you get to be out of the house - at least you get adult interaction.  I could have adult interaction if I wanted to work outside the home.  But again I chose to be home with my children.  To each their own.  Everyone's situation is different not one situation should seem easier than another's because we don't all know what each other go through-- we aren't there.
I am not going to say that if you work and also have to be alone with your kids once you get home that it isn't just as hard?  I know it is.  Its lonely and I will say it again - I do have a new found respect and compassion for single moms and moms with military spouses.  I mean at least I get to talk to my husband.  Some wives don't even get to communicate with them.  And for THAT I am grateful.  For that I am blessed.  I don't want to get into a debate with anyone.  Maybe I should chose a different way to let out my feelings than to put it out there on the internet.  I guess I just thought maybe if I got a little sympathy I would feel better?  But what I really should be doing is venting to the ONE who truly cares for me unconditionally and I know for a fact has missed me this week - maybe that's why its been so hard lately?  I have neglected my time with God.  Its probably because ANY time I get alone to myself I chose to shower or unload the dishwasher or catch up on bills and receipts or folding laundry...I should be spending that time praying to God to give me strength throughout my day and to give me patience with my kids - and to allow for quiet alone time in my day where I can renew myself - where I can gather my thoughts and get my sanity back so I can be the mom my girls need me to be.  They don't need a mom who is tired and constantly frustrated all day long and all evening long.  They need a mom who's priority is to love them and take care of them. Period.  I am that mom - they have no one else - especially because their daddy isn't here.  I have to remember I am not the only one missing him.  And even more their daddy misses them.  I need to remind myself that at least I GET to be around 3 little pieces of him and where he's at he has no one.  No warm body to remind him of his family.  So when I am getting frustrated and upset I need to pray and ask God to remind me of the blessings of my situation.  I need to not forget what all He has given me already.  I look at this blog and I can't believe its been 2 months since I last wrote.  Its been 3 months tomorrow since he left and looking back it seems to have gone fast - just don't ask or tell me that when I am having a bad day ;-)
I don't really know what I want to accomplish writing this.  I just know that for me today was a bad day.  And YES it was because Lily didn't have school.  And for some strange reason when that happens Charlee is a different person and they fight and fuss and whine and complain and tattle ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!  It does drive one crazy so YES I appreciate school because that is the format that Lily thrives in and when she's at school getting her groove on Charlee is a sweet independent little angel who does not scream at me and willingly takes naps and is fun to be around.  I enjoy my time with her and my day goes so much smoother when my kids get breaks from each other.  Its healthy for them its healthy for me.  THEY need a change in who they interact with too.
Well I think that's enough rattling of feathers for now.  Those of you that know me know my heart and understand what I am going through and I know are praying for me and I appreciate that.
I know it doesn't seem like it at times but I am thankful, blessed, proud, and happy to be a stay-at-home mom even now when I get no breaks and am missing my best friend so much that even as I type this I just want to curl up and cry because I ache for him.  I know it doesn't seem like it but I know I'm not perfect and I know I am not entitled to a trial free life.  But this last year has been an interesting one for sure.  One I am sure I will look back on one day and say "that's when I grew" "that's when I found myself" "that's when I truly appreciated my husband and my family"----nite all....please don't hate me.....for being real.